Growing up (yes, I am only 19 and still growing up, but you know what I mean), I was involved in just about everything I could have been. I signed up for plays & talent shows (by the request of my mom), played sports (mainly soccer), sang, played piano, took dance classes, photography classes, attended CCD at my church, did community service, and went to school of course. I think back on the times where I was doing all of those activities, and I sometimes wonder why I let certain ones go. It honestly has made me feel bad in the past. I sat at my piano at home after years of not practicing a while back, and I began to cry because I had let that talent go. Dance classes are something I no longer take part in, soccer is not in my life right now, and I don’t attend church anymore really.
I think like why did I stop caring? Why did I spend all that time on that stuff in the past, and now I let it go? I really can’t lie and say that I don’t think about my past in this sense sometimes, because I do. I think back on my piano teachers, Greg and Sal, and my singing teacher Stacy. I remember playing on my dad’s travel soccer team and being extremely athletic. I hear songs that I used to dance to in recitals, and remember how nerve racking yet fun those times were. I pray just about every night and apologize to God for not making time to actually GO to church. In the most non-bragging type way, I was literally given so many gifts by god and I just can’t comprehend sometimes how I have all these talents, yet no desire to pursue most of them. I do not regret doing these activities because I love them. What I feel regretful about is letting them go.
But then, I think about the one time my mom told me about the brain god gave me along with all these other abilities. Being exceptionally good at almost everything I ever tried (again not trying to brag, just telling a story) was almost overwhelming in a way. I enjoy those activities, but the thing is they will always be there. My voice is not going to go away, church is going to continue and I can go back at any time, my sense of rhythm is staying with me, and my eye behind the camera will always be the same. What I need to do right now in this time of my life is take the brain god put in my head, and use it. I need to get through the schooling that I have planned for myself, and put off those other activities to the side for now. I know there are people who go to college later in life because they didn’t go when they were younger, but right now is the best time to be here. I am young, quick to think on my feet, competitive, able to hold my own, and more confident than ever. I have tentative plans, dreams, and goals that need my full attention right now. It would be great if we could do everything at once, but I am only one person and to put that type of pressure on myself would be unrealistic.
I write this as a reflection blog so that when I look back on it in the future, I remember to go back and do those things that I enjoyed in my elementary/high school years. They were all activities that shaped me into who I am because they are all different disciplines that require different skills. Until then though, I cannot live in regret of letting them go for now. My heart and mind were involved when I made the decisions to stop them so it must mean something that they are not a part of my life at the moment. If any of you have ever experienced regret in any way, shape, or form, about anything in your life, I encourage you to breathe, reflect, learn, forgive, and essentially move on because where you are right now is where you are meant to be.