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Disclaimer: Everyone’s experience with something like this is different, and my blog is just a way for me to share my story. It is by no means meant to offend anyone, or suggest things about someone else’s journey.

I want to use this page to expand on some of the things in my story because I have so much more to say, but the story was quite lengthy already.

  1. If you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder, or any problem for that matter, act as a support system if you are given the chance. Do no judge anyone ever because you never know what someone else is going through. When I was in school, my personality was the same. I was a happy, friendly, and smiley girl, who on the inside was so saddened. I only showed that side of myself at home though during the time.
  2. Another thing that happened during this time of my life was that people my age reacted positively to my physical appearance because of the beauty standards that are ingrained in our heads by media and so forth. Girls were telling me they wanted my body, and word on the street was boys thought I was pretty. I am beautiful regardless of what weight I am though. And so are you, and so is everyone on earth. Big, small, skinny, fat, tall. Physical appearance and body image cause a lot of damage to many people, so after my experience, I make an effort to focus less on people’s physical traits, and more on who they are as a person.
  3. Again, I have to thank my family. I also have to thank my boyfriend who didn’t even know at the time that I was struggling with this. We started dating my junior year, and he didn’t even know, but knows now how much his love helped me feel better. Having a support system can go a long way!
  4. For those wondering, my period did come back but just gaining the weight back was not enough. I had to take extra supplements, and birth control to get it back. This whole journey put so much stress on my body. I cannot believe how amazing the human body is to be able to come back from something like this.
  5. Telling someone was the hardest thing. Telling my mom that I was binge eating was so humiliating, but very releasing for me. After I told her was when things got better. Keeping all of my sadness bottled up was driving me crazy. If you are going through something like this, I encourage you to just tell someone. Nothing is wrong with crying either. If you have to cry, you better damn well take the time to get a good cry. What happened to me with crying everyday was I was constantly feeling bad for myself. This was selfish of me. It was unfair to my family, but it was also unfair to everyone else in the world who is/was going through something much worse than me. I failed to realize how selfish I was being in constantly pitying myself. I did need to cry, but every single day was just selfish in my opinion.

I will continue to add more details here as more emotions from the time come to mind.

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This is me this past Christmas Eve. Happier, and healthier than ever. (Those beers are not mine haha I promise) Weight does not matter in this picture. It doesn’t matter in any of the pictures actually. It was the mind set, and the harmful thoughts that matter in the other two pictures that make those 2 different parts of my life unique. This was all a learning experience for me. I learned more about myself, and most importantly, I learned how to create a balance. Since my bad eating habits, I have gained lots of muscle back, I have high energy levels, and life in general has become much more enjoyable and stress free.
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This was me sitting just at about 100 pounds. This was not me at my lowest weight, but I do not have many pictures of myself from that time.
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This was me during the time where I was around my heaviest weight, and lowest point, mentally.

 

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